Caring for Someone with Dementia: What I’ve Learned From Family and Practice

Caring for someone with dementia is never easy. It’s a journey full of uncertainty, heartbreak, and moments of unexpected tenderness. I’ve seen this up close—not just as a geriatric doctor, but as a granddaughter. Both of my grandmothers live/lived with dementia, and I watched as my parents and aunts navigated the long, winding path of caregiving. From struggling to get a diagnosis from doctors who were too busy to let me join the visit by phone, to managing behavioral symptoms like verbal outbursts, to making hard decisions about whether it was still safe to provide care at home—our family has lived every stage of it.

Each journey is unique and beautiful and challenging.

What I remember most is repetition. One grandmother, once fiercely independent and generous, became one phrase, “My allergies are bothering me” on repeat. And usually in church, as loud as possible, during the sermon. And in those moments, the most helpful thing I’ve learned—both as a geriatric physician and as a granddaughter—is this: they’re not doing it on purpose. Dementia changes how the brain works, which changes how a person sees the world. The anger, the forgetfulness, the repetition—it’s not a choice. It’s a symptom of an illness and a desire to make sense of otherwise seems chaotic.

Remembering that doesn’t erase the stress, but it can soften the edges. It create a moment to pause, and maybe respond with empathy instead of frustration. It helps us ask, “What might they be feeling right now?” instead of reacting to the words alone. That shift can make all the difference.

Whether you’re just beginning to notice changes in a loved one or deep in the day-to-day of caregiving, you’re not alone. At Dahlia Physician Housecalls, we offer personalized senior care for people living with dementia—right in the comfort of their homes. As a geriatric doctor who makes house calls, I bring medical care, clarity, and compassionate support directly to older adults and their families. We can’t take away the heartbreak of dementia—but we can walk alongside you with a plan that fits your life and honors your loved one.